I think people run on different kind of fuel. Some people run on negative fuel. That is they need to have an event or a trigger a spark to get there motor running. Something somewhere down the road of life they got a chip on their shoulder. They learned that their machine runs with a hire octane when they use this negative experience to their advantage.  These people learned early on that negative emotions or events in life that are not good memories can be used as drive, self worth.  For whatever reason these people need to get pissed off before they will react and they know that so the hit their own bee hive with a stick.   They draw on old emotions. Things that could of been long forgotten.
I remember in soccer days I would have people slap me in the face before big games. Or I would find a reason to hate the other team because I knew I ran on this negative feul and I wanted to be the best I could be at soccer. For me it was always That everybody else was privileged and I was not and I had something to prove to them. The thing about it though is this negative feul worked and I was a feared defender and I was assigned to follow the teams best forward. My coach would say PEP I want you in his shorts. And I would follow their star around the whole game and shut him down and kill the teams offensive drive. We actually went on to Tie some of the best teams that should of beat us by a mile.

As you could imagine some of my Favorite movies are , braveheart and Rambo. Movies about people who were just trying to live a normal life until somebody started messing with them. My favorite quote in Rambo is when Rambo says “You drew first blood. ”  I guess maybe when I was little I got a liitle to into these movies.

People who burn on these negative fuels may get where they want to go for a while but I think in the scope of a whole lifetime it is not healthy to re-live negative experiences just to have drive. While you might get ahead of the game in short quick burst you will not be planting in healthy soil. It is important to achieve but I think what is more important  at times is what drives us to achieve.

This painting is about an Elephant who is looking for something but he still can not find it. He will never find it. What he is looking for is gone he will never find it. But he will just keep looking for it anyways because that is all elephants do.


2 responses to “Fuel

  1. Ooh, best written entry to date… I always say ” Do not despair, it just leads to negativity”. Negative stuff just doesn’t serve anyone.

    Maybe this will turn into a book, or 365 days of written thoughts….

  2. michelle paneda shields

    This entry makes me want to be more humble in order to take out that negativity. I think this elephant’s got heart.

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